I am a point in my life where I feel like giving up sometimes. I have no idea on a lot of things for my life. Where will I find a job? Will I continue to find meaningful relationships? Can I be able to handle my finances? Those are some of the questions on my mind right now. Last night I was watching the Blackhawks game with a couple of friends and they asked me, “So what do you want to do with your life?” I was somewhat speechless, so I told them, “Maybe grad school.” However, the truth is I really really don’t know what I want to do right now.
I am constantly wanting the answers right now. I feel sometimes God is distant because He does not answer me the way I want Him to answer me. Why am I in this position God? Why do I have to go through this? Why should I be patient? These thoughts run through my mind constantly and sometimes I feel like a failure. I was reading an online article yesterday about 10 years after the Colombine shootings. The thing that struck me was those involved or who were a part of the shootings still have a lot of questions. Why did this have to happen? Why have our questions not been answered? Where is God in all of this? I will never know the pain and suffering many went through that day or try to understand them, but I know they have questions just like me. They still really really don’t know how to process what happen that day.
I just hope we do not stop questioning or saying that we do not know. Those types of responses can mold us into who God wants us to be. Our lives are not simple at all. How should we look at the world or our lives? That is a difficult question to answer. There are many perspectives, questions, and opinions that can be raised with that question. I really really don’t know how many of us view the world or our lives, but I know I am here to live and love because Jesus did that so beautifully. All I can hope for is God’s unfailing love for everyone and that we want to be a driving force for His glory. That is everything I hope we will want to be in the midst of us not knowing certainty with our lives and the world.
